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The day I said ‘placenta’ one too many times

September 21, 2010

Reading Everything is illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer which is turning out to be a really hilarious book. So much so that I LOL’d all the way from Huntingdale to Flinders St station. I think that’s why the old lady moved a few seats away from me. Well .. I guess there tends to be a lot of freaks out there.

Anyway, just a bit of background to the book. And because I’m lazy, I’m just going to quote the blurb:

“A young man arrives in the Ukraine, clutching in his hand a tattered photograph. He is searching for the woman who fifty years ago saved his grandfather from the Nazis. Unfortunately, however, he is aided in his quest by Alex, a translator with an uncanny ability to mangle English into bizarre new forms: a ‘blind’ old man haunted by memories of the war; and an undersexed guide dog named Sammy Davis Jr, Jr. What they are looking for seems elusive – a truth hidden behind veils of time, language and the horrors of war. What they find turns all their worlds upside down . . .”


Here’s an extrait the book which I found amusing:

We became very busy talking. When I rotated back to Grandfather, I saw that he was examining Augustine again. There was a sadness amid him and the photograph, and nothing in the world frightened me more.

We will eat,’ I told him.

‘Good,’ he said, holding the photograph very near to his face. Sammy Davis, Junior Junior was persisting to cry.

‘One thing, though,’ the hero said.

‘What?’

‘You should know…’

‘Yes?’

‘I am a…how to say this…’

‘What?’

‘I’m a…’

‘You are very hungry, yes?’

‘I’m a vegetarian.’

‘I do not understand.’

‘I don’t eat meat.’

‘Why not?’

‘I just don’t.’

‘He does not eat meat,’ I told Grandfather. ‘Yes he does,’ he informed me.

‘Yes you do,’ I likewise informed the hero.

‘No. I don’t.’

‘Why not?’ I inquired him again.

‘I just don’t. No meat.’

‘Pork?’

‘No.’

‘Meat?’

‘No meat.’

‘Steak?’

‘Nope.’

‘Chickens?’

‘No.’

‘Do you eat veal?’

‘Oh, God. Absolutely no veal.’

‘What about sausage?’

‘No sausage either.’ I told Grandfather this, and he presented me a very bothered look. ‘What is wrong with him?’ he asked.

‘What is wrong with you?’ I asked him.

‘It’s just the way I am.’

‘Hamburger?’

‘No.’

‘What did he say is wrong with him?’ Grandfather asked. ‘It is just the way he is.’ ‘Does he eat sausage?’ ‘No.’ ‘No sausage!’ ‘No. He says he does not eat sausage.’ ‘In truth?’ ‘That is what he says.’ ‘But sausage…’ ‘I know.’

‘In truth you do not eat sausage?’

‘No sausage.’

‘No sausage,’ I told Grandfather. He closed his eyes and tried to put his arms around his stomach, but there was not room because of the wheel. It appeared like he was becoming sick because the hero would not eat sausage. ‘Well, let him deduce what he is going to eat. We will go to the most proximal restaurant.’

‘What do you mean he does not eat meat?’ the waitress asked, and Grandfather put his head in his hands.

‘What is wrong with him?’ she asked.

‘It is only the way that he is.’

The hero asked what we were talking about. ‘

They do not have anything without meat,’ I informed him.

‘He does not eat any meat at all?’ she inquired me again. ‘

It is merely the way he is,’ I told her.

‘Sausage?’

‘No sausage,’ Grandfather answered to the waitress, rotating his head from here to there.

‘Maybe you could eat some meat,’ I suggested to the hero, ‘because they do not have anything that is not meat.’

‘Don’t they have potatoes or something?’ he asked. ‘

Do you have potatoes?’ I asked the waitress.

‘You only receive a potato with the meat,’ she said. I told the hero.

‘Couldn’t I just get a plate of potatoes?’

I asked the waitress, and she said she would go to the chef and inquire him. ‘

Ask him if he eats liver,’ Grandfather said.”

I really suggest you read this. Or else. Joking. If you want. It’s your life. Haha, sister actually said to me that one of her friends who is pro-meat told her if we’re not supposed to be eat animals, why did God make animals out of meat ? Well, to each his own. More meat for meat-eaters.

Et puis .. back to work ! :-)


Story behind the title —

Nicole & I were discussing mini-fridge food in hotels over dinner at Wonton House on Russell Street and how the strangest thing I’ve ever come across in a mini-fridge is a placenta drink @ Lotte Hotel in Seoul, Korea. Of course, Nicole made a face and I told her how in some cultures people eat their own placenta for nutritional value. I of course proceeded to tell her many other gross things people ate, (E.g. On Man versus Wild — best show ever — the guy ate maggots and drank an elephant’s urine) mainly because she mentioned her foot injury (I have a thing against feet ..) and I imagine I was talking too loudly in the restaurant X-D.



4 Comments leave one →
  1. ames4eva permalink
    September 21, 2010 10:43 pm

    lol, you should watch man vs. food… almost as bad XD

  2. September 22, 2010 7:23 am

    hey babe stumbled upon your blog and loving it!
    p.s. I also heard about the placenta-fan people! I even read somewhere that this family is preserving their children’s placenta for future health use -.-

    • mookxi permalink*
      September 23, 2010 6:19 pm

      Thanks so much Mariska ;-D ! Hahaha, that’s pretty fowl ! But .. humans do weird things. Maybe in another life I’d be doing the same.

  3. September 22, 2010 7:24 am

    hey babe stumbled upon your blog and loving it!
    p.s. I also heard about the placenta-fan people! I even read somewhere that this family is preserving their children’s placenta for future health use -.-

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